It's been a long time

This has been a tough year.

It seems like every year since we started homeschooling 13 school years ago has had a challenge or two.  We've had illnesses, deaths, too many outside of the home activities, illnesses,  hospitalizations, surgeries, doctor visits, a hurricane, two moves, multiple new animals...   The list goes on.

But, this year, my son had two spontaneous pneumothoraces, one on each side, which meant three hospital stays and two surgeries.  In his senior year of high school.  He still made it though!  He finished all his work and is graduating.

I'm so happy for him and so proud of him.  I pray that he is able to harness the commitment and dedication of this last little bit of time working hard to get all his school done and bring it with him into the next chapter of his life.

Which brings me to my point.  College admissions is HARD.  And we're just doing Community College.  It's all so confusing.  The college websites are so NOT easy to navigate.  Understanding the lingo that the admissions people use, hard.  It's like the first time you tried to order something at Starbucks hard.  Because they act like you're an idiot if you don't know stuff.  And I'm just like..whatever.  This is my first time getting a kid registered for college, how am i supposed to know this stuff?  Finding your end goal school's requirements for classes needed to get a particular degree?  Hard.  Then finding out what class you have to take at the community college that will transfer--as the class you need--to your chosen 4 year school.  Hard.  Multiple websites involved hard.

If you're doing this while trying to navigate a new homeschool umbrella's system and that system runs counter-intuitive to what you have been doing since Kindergarten.  Hard.  When your 11th grader took 3 high school level classes in 8th grade but they only allow 2 high school classes taken in 8th.  Hard.  And the school board decides to require 2 more credits for a basic diploma halfway through her school career.  and three fourths through your 12th graders.  Wow.  It's been a bit stressful.

I'm not ready.  I'm really not ready for this next step.  But I will handle my business and get myself together and get it done.  Because that's what moms do.

I'm just going to go pray now.

Frustrating

So.  I'm  a mom of two kids.  They're teenagers now.  There is something I've been struggling with lately.

It makes me sad that we aren't able to give them everything they want or do for them things that would be very cool for them.

For example, we recently had the opportunity to buy an amazing car for my son, but we couldn't afford it.  It's  possible that we could have used the money in our savings account to buy the car but then we would have to pay insurance and upkeep.  We just don't  have the cash flow to manage.

We also have the opportunity to adopt a horse we already know and love.  But the cash we had set aside for that and the property improvements that needed to be done went for an emergency.  Those things happen and can't  be helped. Also, see above regarding upkeep.  Much more money than a car.

Here's the problem.  Thou shalt not covet.   I see families getting all these things and doing things and it's really hard not to be covetous.   We are also trying to get and stay debt free. It can be super tempting to charge the things I want.  But that is absolutely not waiting on God's timing.  So I am thinking that I need to take a breath, relax, and be content with God's current provision for us.  God's  current provision is amazing.  The other things may or may not come but I want with all my heart to be content without them.

Something positive

Today I had to drive an hour plus one way to take my mom to a doctor appointment.

While I was in the Annapolis area I took my daughter to see a pony she loves who is very ill and is going to have to be put down.

I also was able to arrange a make-up horseback riding lesson while we were up here so I wouldn't have to drive back up this evening or hang around until this evening.

So three good things.  I helped my mom, helped my daughter say goodbye to a friend, and saved some time by getting in a needed make-up lesson.

3 weeks post move

Like I've said in previous posts, we lived with a parent and it didn't work out.   We moved into our own house about 3 weeks ago.  From all indications everyone is in a better place emotionally.

My mother-in-law is able to do whatever she wants whenever she wants and however she wants.

I am able to be a homemaker again.  To be a mother and a homemaker was always my personal dream.  So I'm living my dream.

I should never have consented to moving in with my mother-in-law.  It was a very deep betrayal of me by me.

I don't have all the answers of what constitutes a good enough relationship that it can survive living together.   Just really be honest with yourself about who you are and who they are and decide according to the truth.  Not your fantasy.

Things to Consider When Contemplating Living With an Aged Parent - 3

Will you have your own space(s)?

A very serious thing to consider is if you will have your own separate spaces.  Will the parent be living in an in-law apartment?

If so, will you all-everyone living together-respect each other's space?

Here's the thing.  All people are different.  Everyone has their boundaries of what they consider acceptable encroachment and what they consider off limits.

If your boundaries are widely different and one of the parties will not respect the boundaries of any of the other parties, it's not going to be a peaceful and safe living environment.

An introvert who likes their personal space to be private(e.g. their bedroom) confronted with an uninvited person entering their space will feel very deeply violated.  Even if they aren't in that space at the time.



If you have your own space and you can set down ground rules that will be obeyed you may be ok.  I have known people who have been through this and done well when everyone has their own space.  Not just your own bedroom.  Think in-law suite.  Think neighboring apartments.

Really consider everything when you are thinking about moving in with a parent.  I'm thinking that most people who do this have good intentions.  Most people don't want to ruin their relationship with their parent or in-law.  They want to help take care of them.  They want to make sure they are safe or getting the health care they need.  And I do know that there are people who just don't have a choice.  But I'm asking you to consider your health, your marriage, your relationship with your kids before you take any drastic action.




Disclaimer:  I realize that I may sound really bad in these posts.  Because, like, I'm supposed to be a Christian and all that.  I have struggled for five years with this issue.  Thinking I'm a bad person, I'm a bad Christian because I just can't "die to self" enough to continue in our living situation.  I have beat myself up almost daily for five years.  Five years.  Maybe I am a bad person.  Maybe I am a product of American Individualism.  Whatever I am, I do not feel emotionally safe in the home I live in.  And neither do my kids.  So I have come to the conclusion that we have to go.  Home HAS to be safe.  It just has to.  And I'm okay with that.