Saturday, September 20, 2014

Things to Consider When Contemplating Living With an Aged Parent - 3

Will you have your own space(s)?

A very serious thing to consider is if you will have your own separate spaces.  Will the parent be living in an in-law apartment?

If so, will you all-everyone living together-respect each other's space?

Here's the thing.  All people are different.  Everyone has their boundaries of what they consider acceptable encroachment and what they consider off limits.

If your boundaries are widely different and one of the parties will not respect the boundaries of any of the other parties, it's not going to be a peaceful and safe living environment.

An introvert who likes their personal space to be private(e.g. their bedroom) confronted with an uninvited person entering their space will feel very deeply violated.  Even if they aren't in that space at the time.



If you have your own space and you can set down ground rules that will be obeyed you may be ok.  I have known people who have been through this and done well when everyone has their own space.  Not just your own bedroom.  Think in-law suite.  Think neighboring apartments.

Really consider everything when you are thinking about moving in with a parent.  I'm thinking that most people who do this have good intentions.  Most people don't want to ruin their relationship with their parent or in-law.  They want to help take care of them.  They want to make sure they are safe or getting the health care they need.  And I do know that there are people who just don't have a choice.  But I'm asking you to consider your health, your marriage, your relationship with your kids before you take any drastic action.




Disclaimer:  I realize that I may sound really bad in these posts.  Because, like, I'm supposed to be a Christian and all that.  I have struggled for five years with this issue.  Thinking I'm a bad person, I'm a bad Christian because I just can't "die to self" enough to continue in our living situation.  I have beat myself up almost daily for five years.  Five years.  Maybe I am a bad person.  Maybe I am a product of American Individualism.  Whatever I am, I do not feel emotionally safe in the home I live in.  And neither do my kids.  So I have come to the conclusion that we have to go.  Home HAS to be safe.  It just has to.  And I'm okay with that.


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